(This is rough…and probably poorly written…but that is what happens to my writing after midnight.)
I didn’t watch Game 7.
I didn’t have to watch Game 7.
There was one of two scripts that was to be written and either was anticlimactic. The Rangers win overcoming all the odds and become World Series Champions. The Rangers lose and join the long legacy of teams who meltdown in Game 6s and ultimately fall apart before winning it all.
I am beyond heartbroken. I am lost.
I sit here in front of my keyboard wearing a Rangers Playoffs 2011 sweatshirt I bought the night we clinched the division and a playoff spot this year. The wallpaper on the desktop behind this window is a series of Rangers photos that I put together as a theme way back in April when the season started. On the desk next to me, is my Rangers-themed Pillow Pet I picked up this summer while I was down in Texas. On the wall behind me is a big Rangers banner I bought in the excitement of last year, making the playoffs and winning the division for the first time in more than a decade. The wallpaper on my phone is Rangers. The wallpaper on my iPad…yep…Rangers. Heck, at present my pillow cases are some shabby old Rangers ones I have had since I was a kid.
I hope this doesn’t make me come off as crazy. My life does not revolve around the Rangers, but in the last few years they certainly have played an increasingly big role in my life. It is just all too easy.
It’s the middle of the summer. You are a grad student working 12 hours a day. You come home to relax. There is nothing on television worth getting attached to so you unwind by turning on a baseball game. And repeat this just about everyday all summer. You develop a bit of an attachment.
Last year the Rangers made a miraculous run and shattered all the barriers that had yet to be crossed for the franchise. It was an amazing year and the fact that we didn’t win the World Series…really it was okay. Disappointing but okay. We weren’t really all that close to winning it all, losing in 5 games to San Francisco. I frankly have blocked out most memories of that World Series. I couldn’t tell you the story for most of the games.
Everything is different this year. We were LITERALLY one strike away…twice…from winning the whole thing. This is an impossibility. How does that happen? Fate did not shine down upon this team for some reason. It just doesn’t make sense.
I didn’t watch Game 7 because I have become so emotionally invested in the Rangers that at points I seriously became afraid that the nerves, etc. were becoming bad for my health. I would have been a wreck. I am still a wreck and I didn’t even watch that clinching out made by the Cardinals.
I really wonder if anyone understands. Truly. I look to those around me and I feel as though everyone doesn’t quite understand just how big a deal this is. I am saddened that people didn’t more vociferously come out in support of the Rangers among my friends…if only for my benefit. Perhaps everyone was rooting for them secretly just for me, but I guess I just felt like the craziest of crazy.
I have mentioned in the past in this space how sports are really a mood-setter for me. They bring great happiness that I can carry with me on through to other aspects of my life, or alternatively they can hang a cloud of depression over everything else I do.
Today was just a terrible day. I only slept a few hours due to the devastation of the loss in Game 6 last night. Then going school, I am the depressed kid amongst people who don’t even know who is playing in the World Series, let alone how important it is to me. The internet is basically ruined for me right now. It is all painful. The splash graphics, the tweets, the Facebook posts, even CNN. It is all just too much.
How do I move on from this? I keep asking myself this question. I don’t have an answer. I don’t know. I just don’t know. I guess will have to try to remember all the positives from this season and not the what-ifs. The media is not going to let this go…and much like the Cowboys have for years…the Rangers are going to have this unfortunate story hanging around their necks until they can get the job done on the biggest of stages. I just worry that we can’t expect a trip to the World Series every year.
P.S. I am beginning to have a burning rage about this All-Star Game decides the homefield thing. The Rangers have been hosed for two straight years because of it.
I understand what you're going through. I was sad and angry for weeks after the Mavs lost in 2006 in similarly collapse-y fashion. I know the feeling of being depressed about it, but no one else cares or thinks your crazy for caring too much. I know about the internet being ruined too. When the Mavs blew their huge lead against Portland, I just couldn't go online. And same with yesterday. I know it didn't affect me as badly as you, but I had a tough time dealing with game 6 too. You can talk to me about this if you want.
ReplyDeleteThis homefield thing is making me mad too! We finished 6 games better than the Cardinals this year and we have to play a game 7 in St. Louis? How is that fair at all? No one has ever presented an argument that explains why it's unfeasible to give home field to the team with the better record. Also, frankly I think the NL team always has a much easier time adjusting to AL rules as long as they have any kind of bench to provide a DH. AL teams kill their defense by putting their DH in the field and have pitchers batting that can't even bunt properly.
I'm not sure what the Cardinals did to deserve it but it just seemed like they got all the breaks. The ball Beltre fouled off his foot that rolled to the 3rd baseman in game one and he got called out. The Napoli tag at 1st. The ball/strike call in game 7 that walked in a run. I'm confident for our future, but you're right we can't expect to make the world series every year...
It is hard at this point for me to think about the future as anything close to positive. I lament a Cowboys-type label being slapped on this team that may be the result of relative failures in the playoffs along with someone being deemed the Romo scapegoat.
ReplyDeleteI would given anything to get those Freese-Berkman-Freese hits un-seared from my brain. They are presently overshadowing all of the great things we have accomplished. I need to forget this year before I can approaching thinking about what we do or can accomplish next year.